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Dear Dougy Podcast: conversations about grief and loss

Drawing from over 30 years of stories and wisdom from grieving children, teens, and adults, the Dear Dougy Podcast is opening up the conversation about dying, death, and bereavement. As humans, we all experience loss during our lives, but often find ourselves lost and unsure when it comes to navigating the grief that follows. Whether you’re grieving a death, or wanting to support someone who is, the Dear Dougy Podcast can help explore your questions about grief. Produced by the staff of The Dougy Center in Portland, Oregon, the Dear Dougy Podcast is a mostly-question-and-answer conversation, and occasionally includes other visitors in the field of dying, death, and bereavement. Have a question to ask? Send it our way at help@dougy.org, with the word ‘podcast’ somewhere in the subject line.
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Dear Dougy Podcast: conversations about grief and loss
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Now displaying: January, 2015
Jan 29, 2015

“How do I tell my child about the death?” This is the most common question we receive at The Dougy Center. Someone has died, leaving parents and other adult caregivers to struggle with finding the right words to say to their children. In this episode we outline tips for talking with children about a death. Adults can start by attending to their own reactions to the death. Often the thoughts and feelings they experience can impede or enhance having an open, honest, supportive conversation with their children. As an adult, what do you need to sort out with feeling shame, blame, confusion, guilt, or other emotions related to how the person died? How can you keep that as your story and not put it onto your children?

 

Summary of tips for talking with children:

  • Tell the truth
  • Use concrete, age appropriate language
  • Allow for questions - in the moment and over time
  • Be prepared to tell the story over and over, esp to younger kids
  • Refer to The Dougy Center resources (below)
  • Know that you are providing children with a safe, trusting foundation from which to experience their grief 

Bookstore: http://tdcbookstore.org

Tip sheets: http://www.dougy.org/grief-resources/tip-sheets/

Main site: http://dougy.org

Jan 29, 2015

In this episode, Jana and Brendon, answer two questions from the community. The first is from a mother of two young children who wonders what she can do with the ashes of her partner. The second from a young adult struggling with whether they should go to the funeral of a close friend’s mother. In this frank conversation, we discuss common and not so common options for what to do with ashes and outline some foundational questions to consider, both for adults and children when deciding.  

Two resources with ideas for what to do with the ashes of someone who dies:

Jan 27, 2015

In this episode of the Dear Dougy Podcast, Jana and Brendon discuss some of the current mythology surrounding grief timelines. We demystify the idea that there is a recipe for grieving or one right way to go about integrating a loss. Listen to learn new ways of conceptualizing the unfolding of grief. During the discussion, Jana mentioned a couple of relevant resources:

 

  1. Getting Grief Right, a NYT Opinionator article about grief timelines and "stages of grief"
  2. 5 Stages of Grief overview, which Jana noted is a familiar cultural landmark, but not a framework that The Dougy Center endorses for those who are grieving. While each of the stages involve thoughts and feelings that grievers may experience, it’s not a clear cut linear process. Thinking that we need to achieve certain stages in order to grieve correctly can often create more suffering for those in grief.
Jan 23, 2015

In this inaugural episode of the Dear Dougy Podcast, Jana and Brendon introduce themselves, talk about the history of The Dougy Center, and our work with grieving children and their families. Jana and Brendon also do a little housekeeping with respect to episode timing (weekly) and duration (aiming for 15-20 minutes), as well as what TDC can offer to the podcast community.

Resources mentioned in the show:

  1. The Dougy Center for Grieving Children and Families
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