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Grief Out Loud

Remember the last time you tried to talk about grief and suddenly everyone left the room? Grief Out Loud is opening up this often avoided conversation because grief is hard enough without having to go through it alone. We bring you a mix of personal stories, tips for supporting children, teens, and yourself, and interviews with bereavement professionals. Platitude and cliché-free, we promise! Grief Out Loud is hosted by Jana DeCristofaro and produced by The Dougy Center for Grieving Children & Families in Portland, Oregon. www.dougy.org
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Now displaying: 2017

Remember the last time you tried to talk about grief and suddenly everyone left the room? Grief Out Loud is opening up this often avoided conversation because grief is hard enough without having to go through it alone. We bring you a mix of personal stories, tips for supporting children, teens, and yourself, and interviews with bereavement professionals. Platitude and cliché-free, we promise! Grief Out Loud is hosted by Jana DeCristofaro and produced by The Dougy Center for Grieving Children & Families in Portland, Oregon.

Dec 21, 2017

Some people are private in their grief, some are more public, and some put their grief onto large public murals. Artist Max Collins joins us to talk about his powerful work creating murals for and with people in grief. Max is collaborating with this year's Celebrate Silas, a family-friendly, non-competitive 5k run/walk in Portland, OR (Sunday, 3.4.18) started by Jodie Brauer in honor of her baby Silas who died a week after his first birthday.This year Max is collaborating with Jodie and Celebrate Silas to help participants create their own mural of a loved one who has died. Max and I also explore east coast vs. west coast grief and discuss if there really are any differences. 

To learn more about Celebrate Silas and Max's mural project visit their site. (www.celebratesilas.com)
To register for the walk visit The Dougy Center. 
 
To contact Jodie - jodie@f2it.com
To connect with Max and learn more about his work: makscollins@gmail.com maxcollins.net
 
Mural Workshop Times: Selecting A One Hour Time Window
Sunday, January 21st 10:00am-4:00pm
Saturday, February 3rd 10:00am-4:00pm
Saturday, February 17th 10:00am-4:00pm

*All workshops will be held at The Dougy Center Portland location (3903 SE 52nd Ave) and will be filled on a first come, first served basis.  If you are unable to attend Celebrate Silas in person, we will coordinate a way for you to pick up your mural. This project is FREE.  If you would like to bring a donation to help fund the project, it would be appreciated.  However, completely optional.  Suggested donation: $20.

Music: “Which That Is This?” by Doctor Turtle
From the Free Music Archive
CC BY
http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Doctor_Turtle/Jonahs_Message_for_New_York/Which_That_Is_This
Music: “I Thought of Pills” by Lee Rosevere
From the Free Music Archive
CC BY
http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Lee_Rosevere/The_Big_Loop_-_FML_original_podcast_score/Lee_Rosevere_-_The_Big_Loop_-_FML_original_podcast_score_-_07_I_Thought_Of_Pills
Nov 30, 2017
Rebecca Hobbs-Lawrence, Pathways Program Coordinator at The Dougy Center, joins us to talk about creating legacies when someone is dying. What is a legacy? What memories do children and teens value most? What prevents families from engaging in legacy activities? What can supportive friends and family do to help create these legacies? We explore these questions and share suggestions that can apply to anyone who wants to capture memories and experiences with those they love. 
 
For more suggestions, please visit:

Previous episodes with Rebecca Hobbs-Lawrence:
Grief and the Holidays
Grieving the Death of a Sibling
Grief and Developmental Disabilities
 

Music: “Which That Is This?” by Doctor Turtle
From the Free Music Archive
CC BY
http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Doctor_Turtle/Jonahs_Message_for_New_York/Which_That_Is_This
Music: “I Thought of Pills” by Lee Rosevere
From the Free Music Archive
CC BY
http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Lee_Rosevere/The_Big_Loop_-_FML_original_podcast_score/Lee_Rosevere_-_The_Big_Loop_-_FML_original_podcast_score_-_07_I_Thought_Of_Pills

Nov 23, 2017

Who Died? was created by Aimee Craig to give voice to the memories of those we carry with us. Each episode is about one person's life and death as told by a loved one. Today's conversation is with Karol Collymore about her mother, Julia. More information at https://www.whodiedpodcast.com/

Nov 20, 2017

Sue Klebold is the mother of Dylan Klebold, one of the two shooters at Columbine High School who, in 1999, killed twelve students and a teacher, and wounded more than 20 others before taking their own lives. In our conversation with we explore how current day mass tragedies continue to affect her. We also look at how tragedies like Columbine occur - and how someone's thinking can become suicidal and homicidal. Before publishing her book, A Mother’s Reckoning: Living in the Aftermath of Tragedy, Sue spent 15 years excavating every detail of her family life, and trying to understand the crucial intersection between mental health problems and violence. Instead of becoming paralyzed by her grief and remorse, she worked to advance mental health awareness. Sue is donating all author’s profits from her book to organizations that promote brain health and prevent suicide.

Resources mentioned in this episode:
 
Sue's TED Talk, My son was a Columbine shooter. This is my story. https://www.ted.com/talks/sue_klebold_my_son_was_a_columbine_shooter_this_is_my_story
 
Sue's Book, A Mother's Reckoning: Living in the aftermath of Tragedy
http://amothersreckoning.com/
 
If you or someone you know needs help, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
 
Music: "Which That Is This?" by Doctor Turtle
From the Free Music Archive
CC BY
http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Doctor_Turtle/Jonahs_Message_for_New_York/Which_That_Is_This
Music: "I Thought of Pills" by Lee Rosevere
From the Free Music Archive
CC BY
http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Lee_Rosevere/The_Big_Loop_-_FML_original_podcast_score/Lee_Rosevere_-_The_Big_Loop_-_FML_original_podcast_score_-_07_I_Thought_Of_Pills
Nov 11, 2017

Kimberly Warner's father died in a car accident just before she graduated from high school. Two decades later, a DNA test revealed he wasn't her biological father. Eager to understand more about the mystery of her beginnings, she began a search for her biological father, only to find out he disappeared in a sailing accident when she was ten years old. Unfolding this part of Kimberly’s history continues to be a complex and poignant adventure of self-discovery, threading together universal themes of identity, belonging, family secrets and the strange, unconscious pull of DNA that encourages us into our fullest expression.

The song featured in this episode, Have You Seen, was written and performed by her biological father, Charles Brauer, on his 1982 album, Home & Away. 
 
To learn more about Kimberly's photo series, short films, and amazing collection of felted artwork, UV Rex Series (which she created during an intense period of recuperation following her bike accident), visit www.kimberlywarner.com
 
Kimberly would like to devote this podcast to her mom, whose integrity, love and commitment to truth have been nurturing and shaping Kimberly since her conception.
Oct 24, 2017

One aspect of grief that rarely gets mentioned is losing someone twice- once in a life-altering circumstance and again when they die. This feeling can arise from a variety of circumstances including substance abuse, mental illness, the personality changes related to a physical illness, or other situation where there is a radical change in a relationship long before someone dies. For people left behind, this can add a complexity in understanding their feelings of grief. Our guest Caraline's older brother Bobby died of mental illness in 2016, 10 years after being diagnosed with schizophrenia. Six months after Bobby's death, Caraline had an epiphany. She realized she never dealt with her feelings of grief surrounding his diagnosis. A realization that would serve as a major turning point in her grief.

To learn more about NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) visit: www.nami.org
Oct 20, 2017

After someone dies, we rarely get the chance to talk about how they lived because any conversation about them tends to focus on how they died or on how we are doing in our grief. The lack of opportunity to talk about our people - who they were, what they loved, how they influenced us - is what inspired Aimee Craig to create a new (amazing) podcast called Who Died? Grief Out Loud is guest hosting Aimee's podcast as it builds an audience - which we know won't take long at all! We'll be interspersing Who Died? episodes with our regular content and hope to post one each month. Who Died's first episode is a conversation with Doug Wells whose wife Neeley died in 2015. To learn more about Who Died? check out their site.  https://www.whodiedpodcast.com/

Oct 6, 2017
What do big behaviors look like when a child is grieving? How do we best support them in these big behaviors and the corresponding big feelings? Heather Dorfman, Dougy Center staff member, joins us to talk about creating safety and connection in the midst of this swirl of feelings and behaviors.
For more tips and suggestions, check out these previous episodes:
E038: What helps when you're grieving - ideas for body, mind, and spirit
E045: Supporting grieving kids with mindfulness - tips for teachers and parents

 

Aug 23, 2017

When it comes to grief support for teens, SLAP'D (Surviving Life After a Parent Dies) is a unique online community where teens get support and ideas. directly from other teens, about how to cope with the death of a parent. Our guest, Asher Liu, is SLAP'D's (Surviving Life After a Parent Dies) current Teen Board Chair. Asher, whose father died in 2012, talks about what inspired his sister, Genevieve, to start SLAP'D (Surviving Life After a Parent Dies) and how being involved with the organization has changed his grief. He also shares suggestions for other teens who are new to grief. To learn more about SLAP'D (Surviving Life After a Parent Dies) and find ways to be part of the community, check out their website. (www.slapd.com)

Jul 21, 2017

Interacting with others while grieving can be wildly confusing and tricky. You’ve probably been there. You run into someone you haven’t seen in a long time, likely in a public spot, and this someone doesn’t know the person in your life died. Maybe they ask an innocuous, “How are you?” or more specifically, “How's your mom, dad, husband, wife, partner, sibling, or friend… doing?” On the spot, you’re charged with either telling this person that your person died or faking a sudden and urgent task - maybe yelling out a “Hi! Sorry, I forgot I left my keys in the car. Bye!” In this episode, we talk with Caitlin Sweeney about these potentially awkward social interactions in the midst of grief. Caitlin’s mom died of a pulmonary embolism in November of 2015. Caitlin is the youngest of two and until recently, lived in the same town as her older sister and father.

Just a note of acknowledgment that this episode is not meant to shame anyone who’s found themselves voicing platitudes in the face of grief. Platitudes are what we’ve been socialized to say and in a moment when we don’t know what else to say, they tend to jump out of our mouths. 

Jun 22, 2017
What does it mean to provide culturally aware grief support for families in the Latino community? We explore this question with Cristina Flores, Bilingual Ongoing Groups Manager and Flor Guebara, Spanish Outreach Manager, at Bo's Place in Houston, TX. Flor and Cristina discuss what they've learned about the barriers families face in accessing grief support and creative programming to help overcome those barriers. We also talk about developing an understanding of our own worldview and how that helps volunteers and others in the field practice being more culturally aware. 
 
To learn more about Flor and Cristina's amazing work at Bo's Place:
Bo's Place
Catalog of handouts in English and Spanish

 

Jun 13, 2017
In March of 2015 Joe DiNardo's wife, Marcia, died of pancreatic cancer. Before her death, he started writing a letter to her which would eventually become the beginning of his first book, A Letter to My Wife. In the midst of the pain of Marcia's diagnosis, illness, and death, Joe turned to his four decades of meditation and mindfulness practice to be as present as possible, both with his wife and his own heartbreak. 
 
To learn more about Joe and his story, visit his website: http://www.alettertomywife.org/the-book/
Jun 2, 2017

John Mayer first encountered grief when his older brother Stephen suddenly died at age 29 in 2007. Nine years later, John's second daughter, River, died 90 minutes after her birth. John talks about how he keeps Stephen and River present in his daily life and the ways he and his family reached out to their community for support. John also describes how his older daughter, who was 2 when River died, is making sense of her sister's death. 

May 16, 2017

Our guest is Darwyn Dave, creator and host of the Dealing With My Grief podcast. In 1978, when Darwyn was ten years old, his father was killed. 38 years later, in January of 2016, Darwyn turned to podcasting as a way to explore grief and how it continues to shape the adult he is today. With his unique mix of candor and insight, Darwyn illuminates the interior world of what it was like to be 10 and suddenly without his father. 

Dealing With My Grief Podcast
www.dealingwithmygrief.com
Darwyn's Facebook Group
https://www.facebook.com/groups/dealingwithmygrief/
Apr 28, 2017

Heather Stang, thanatologist, mindfulness speaker, and author of Mindfulness & Grief: With Guided Meditations To Calm Your Mind & Restore Your Spirit, joins us to talk about cultivating self-compassion as a powerful avenue for self-care while grieving. She shares an accessible technique that you can use anywhere to get connected to your emotional and physical needs and bring ease and understanding to the some of the most painful aspects of grief. 

To learn more about Heather's amazing work and listen to guided meditations, visit her website. (www.heatherstang.com)

Apr 6, 2017

What do you tell children when someone in their life is diagnosed with an advanced serious illness? How do you support them and everyone else who is affected by this devastating turn of events? Mia Nyschens joins us to talk about her work with families who are faced with the knowledge that someone they love is going to die. Mia is part of The Dougy Center's Pathways Program, which provides peer support groups for children, teens, and their adult family members when someone has a life-limiting illness. 

To learn more about Pathways, visit our website.

For more tips on supporting children and teens when someone they love is dying, click here. 
 
If you know a teacher or school administrator who would like to learn how to support students, click here. 
 
 
 
Mar 27, 2017

What happens when the term widow or widower doesn’t fit because you weren’t officially married to the person who died? This is often the case for young adults who lose their partners - especially in their twenties and thirties. They find themselves grieving their person, the one they were building a life with, and also dealing with the ramifications of not being an official family member in the eyes of the law. In this episode, we talk with Lynsey, about the power of words and the ways she judged her own grief after her partner Jared died in 2009.

 

Mar 15, 2017

Megan Devine joins us again, this time talking about another shadow aspect of grief - anger. Anger shows up in many ways, including being angry at the person who died, at ourselves, and at someone or something we hold responsible for the death. Megan shares her personal and professional insight on the importance of acknowledging this anger and finding ways to navigate what can often be a very uncomfortable emotion. Megan is a teacher, speaker, psychotherapist, and also the author of the book, It’s OK That You’re Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn’t Understand, coming from Sounds True in September 2017. It's available for pre-order on Amazon and you can order it here. To learn more about Megan's practical, no-nonsense approach to grief, and her ability to guide people inside some of the most devastating experiences of life and love, check out her website. Want to listen to our first conversation with Megan about dating after the death of a partner? You can find it here.

Feb 16, 2017

While we usually focus on the death of a parent or sibling, this episode explores what it's like for teens when a best friend dies. The best friend connection is unique, particularly in adolescence. It's the person a teen feels closest to in the world, the person who knows everything about them, even parts that are hard to show other people. Today's guest, Debbie, was 15 when her best friend died the summer before they were to start high school. 

Feb 10, 2017

Jodie Brauer, founder of the annual Celebrate Silas Memorial 5K, joins us again as a guest to talk about the everyday rituals and routines that can be helpful in grief. These routines can be as unique as the relationship we had with the person who died. Head here to learn more about the Celebrate Silas Memorial 5K and to sign up or donate. 

Jan 20, 2017

What does it mean when grief becomes part of our dreams? In this episode, we talk with Joshua Black, a Ph.D. student at Brock University, about his groundbreaking grief dream research. Joshua shares his findings on themes in grief dreams, how to better remember dreams, and suggestions for changing negative ones. To learn more about Joshua and his research, check out his website: www.griefdreams.ca 

Be sure to listen to his Grief Dreams Podcast and consider joining his Facebook Grief Dreams Group.
Jan 6, 2017

A lot goes into talking about the people in our lives who have died. Who do we tell? What do we share, not only about the person and what they meant to us, but about how they died? The words we choose - passed, lost, died - are heavy with meaning and emotion. Sometimes we choose words to make other people feel less uncomfortable. Sometimes the words we choose are the only ones we can make ourselves say out loud. How we talk about the death can be as personal and unique as our grief. Our guest is Sarah whose brother died just over five years ago. Sarah shares about her struggles with talking about her brother's death and what she's discovered in deciding to be more open with her story.

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