When Jessica Waite's husband, Sean, died suddenly, she knew him as a dedicated father to their young son and a loving, engaged spouse. In her book, The Widow’s Guide to Dead Bastards, Jessica reveals the shock and heartbreak of discovering Sean's double life. What began as a devastating loss quickly became even more complex as she uncovered the many secrets he had kept—hidden debt, drug use, and infidelity.

Jessica talks about the rage, confusion, and emotional turmoil of grieving someone you love while simultaneously reckoning with the truth of who they really were. She reflects on anger as a catalyst for change, what she learned about parenting her son through his grief, and how ultimately she found a way back to herself.

We disuss:

• The shock of uncovering a Sean's secrets after his death
• The role of anger in grief 
• Navigating single parenthood while managing the weight of betrayal
• The complexity of holding both love and hurt for Sean
• The social pressures to maintain the image of someone who has died
• How humor and writing helped Jessica process her experience

Resources & Links:

• Connect with Jessica Waite on Substack: The Widow’s Guide To
• Purchase The Widow’s Guide to Dead Bastards online
• Learn more about grief support at Dougy Center

Support Grief Out Loud:
Grief Out Loud is produced by the Dougy Center, the National Grief Center for Children and Families. This podcast is sponsored in part by the Chester Stephan Endowment Fund. For more grief resources, visit dougy.org.

Join the Conversation:
Have thoughts on this episode? Email us at griefoutloud@dougy.org. Thank you for being part of our community!

In this episode we talk with Annie Sklaver Orenstein, author of Always A Sibling: The Forgotten Mourners. Annie talks about her older brother, Ben, who died when he was deployed in Afghanistan, and how his sudden death reshaped her understanding of grief and loss. They discuss the unique challenges of sibling loss and how Annie ultimately decided to write the book she wished she had when Ben died.

We Discuss:

• Annie’s relationship with her brother Ben and his role in her life
• The day Annie learned of Ben’s death and the immediate aftermath
• How grief intersected with anxiety
• The unique and often overlooked experience of grieving a sibling
• Writing Always A Sibling and the need for more grief resources for siblings
• The complexities of sibling grief in complicated relationships
• The impact of signs from Ben and how Annie learned to find comfort in them
• Navigating the question, "Were you close?"
• Coping with grief while navigating major life milestones, such as becoming a parent

Resources Mentioned:

• Annie Sklaver Orenstein’s book: Always A Sibling: The Forgotten Mourners (Available on Amazon, Bookshop.org, and local bookstores)
• Dougy Center's grief resources and support programs (www.dougy.org)

Connect with Annie Sklaver Orenstein:

• Instagram: @anniesklaverorenstein

Get in Touch with Us:

• Email: griefoutloud@dougy.org
• Website: www.dougy.org

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• Follow us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen
• Leave us a rating & review

In this episode, we talk with Ru Callender, author of What Remains: Life, Death, and the Human Art of Undertaking. Ru shares his personal experience with profound childhood loss to becoming a self-proclaimed radical undertaker. We also discuss the impact of grief at different life stages, how participation in funerals can be helpful for children, and reimagining rituals to accurately reflect the life of the person who died.

Main topics:

• Parental Loss and Early Grief: Ru reflects on the loss of his father at age 7 and his mother in his 20s, sharing how these defining losses shaped his perspective on death and grief.
• Boarding School and Emotional Austerity: The impact of being sent away shortly after his father’s death.
• Becoming a Radical Undertaker: After a chance encounter with a TV program, Ru was inspired to challenge conventional funeral practices and embrace more personal, inclusive rituals.
• Children and Grief: Why including children in funerals can be helpful, offering them tangible ways to process and revisit their grief.
• Radical Funeral Planning: Ru’s vision for end-of-life ceremonies, including his own desire for a midsummer funeral pyre, and how he helps families create ceremonies that resonate deeply.
• The Role of Grief in Life: How grief manifests and resurfaces, and the creative ways Ru has processed his own grief through rituals and art.

Resources Mentioned:

• What Remains: Life, Death, and the Human Art of Undertaking by Ru Callender
• Dougy Center’s grief support resources: www.dougy.org

Join the Conversation:
Have thoughts about this episode? Email Jana at griefoutloud@dougy.org or connect with Dougy Center on social media. Don’t forget to rate and review the show on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to share what it means to you.