When someone dies, the story is often one of sadness, longing, and loss. But what happens when the person who died was also someone who caused great harm? For Kathy, who was sexually and emotionally abused by her father, his death when she was 11 brought more relief than grief.

In this conversation, Kathy shares how her early experiences with grief and trauma shaped her path as a social worker and volunteer, including her current work with teens and tweens who are grieving.  

We explore:  

• What it was like to have her dad die while carrying the painful secret about his abuse
• The mixed emotions of grieving someone who caused great harm
• How volunteering gave Kathy a sense of purpose and visibility at a young age
• The importance of creating space for young people - and adults - to share the full range of feelings about the person who died, including the hard and complicated ones
• What Kathy would want her 11-year-old self, and other kids in similar situations, to know

Kathy’s story broadens our understanding of grief, reminding us that it’s never one-dimensional, and that sometimes, relief outweighs grief.  

Note: this episode includes references to childhood sexual and emotional abuse. 

How do we move from seeing grief as something to fix or overcome, to understanding it as a lifelong companion and guide? In this conversation with Rev. Dr. Jamie Eaddy CT, CTP - educator, death doula, founder of Thoughtful Transitions, and creative force behind The Ratchet Grief Project® - she invites us to reimagine grief as a friend who helps us navigate loss, change, and transition. Drawing from her personal lineage of grief through the deaths of her grandmother, cousin, and uncle, Dr. J. shares how these experiences shaped her work supporting individuals and communities, especially those living at the intersections of marginalization and oppression. 

We explore:

• How personal experiences with family deaths shaped Dr. Eaddy's career path 
• Redefining grief beyond death - as our natural response to loss, change, transition, unmet expectations, unrealized dreams, and shattered assumptions 
• The concept of "befriending grief" - viewing grief as a companion and guide rather than something to overcome 
• The Ratchet Grief Project® - creating space for marginalized communities to grieve authentically without conforming to restrictive societal expectations 
• How racism, sexism, and systemic oppression create additional layers of grief for Black communities 
• The harmful expectations of "acceptable" grief
• Current trends in grief work, including the rise of death doulas and increased awareness of non-death losses 
• Unlearning narratives around strength, silence, and emotional suppression
• The importance of reclaiming parts of ourselves - like joy - that get left behind in survival

Welcome to a special "podcast takeover" episode. This week, Lindsey Whissel Fenton, creator of Speaking Grief and Learning Grief, steps in to interview Jana. Their conversation centers on Jana's beloved Boston Terrier, Captain, who died in December 2024 at the age of 15. Lindsey understands this heartache well, as her own sweet dog, Birch, died in May 2022. As a skilled interviewer and a thoughtful friend in grief, Lindsey was the perfect person to explore Jana's experience of loving and grieving for Captain. 

Together, Lindsey and Jana delve into how Captain came into Jana's life, the complexities of caregiving for an aging pet, the difficult decisions surrounding their end-of-life, and the subtle (and not-so-subtle) ways pet grief can be minimized or dismissed, by others and sometimes even by us. 

This conversation weaves between the personal and professional, touching on:

• How Captain became a cherished part of Jana's life
• The physical and behavioral changes Captain experienced in his last two years 
• Navigating personal loss as a grief professional 
• The challenging dynamics of deciding when and how to say goodbye 
• Captain's last day 
• Jana's evolving relationship with Captain's belongings 
• Expressing grief through writing and sharing on Instagram (@Captain_the_Furpig)
• The struggle of making space for pet grief within a field primarily focused on human loss 
• How grief rituals evolve over time, and the importance of allowing ourselves permission for these changes 

A quick content note: we’ll be discussing end-of-life caregiving for a pet, including the decision-making process around euthanasia. We know these are tender topics, so please take care as you listen. 

The resource we mention: Supporting Children & Teens After the Death of a Pet or Companion Animal

Lindsey Whissel Fenton, MEd, CT (she/her) is an Emmy award-winning filmmaker, international speaker, and grief educator. In her current role as a senior producer/director and instructional designer at PBS/NPR affiliate WPSU, Lindsey focuses on projects related to grief, trauma, and mental health. She is the creator of Speaking Grief and Learning Grief, founder of Empathic Media, and serves on the Board of Directors for the National Alliance for Children's Grief (NACG). She’s also an instructional designer and content creator for the Yale Child Study Center’s Grief-Sensitive Healthcare Project. Lindsey earned her bachelor’s degree in Cinema and Digital Arts from Point Park University, her master’s degree in Learning, Design, and Technology from Penn State, and is Certified in Thanatology through the Association for Death Education and Counseling (ADEC). She’s a dog mom, avid reader, and rock climber.